Family Matters
The 2018 Holiday Season has officially started. I'm feeling sentimental and maybe just a bit sugar buzzed after finishing off the last of yesterday's pumpkin pie. (Let's just assume that I suck at this "lifestyle changes" schtick.) But it's Friday, and I have a Blog to write, so let's pick up with our ongoing topic of "Character Development" by channeling the holiday spirit and looking at Family as a development tool.
Let me start by acknowledging that "Family" can be a pretty broad term. There's the obvious implication of the nuclear family: the prototypical couple with a kid or six. More common today, there's also the married with no kids household, the single parent household, the split family household, the two moms or two dads household, or any other combination of parents (guardians) and kids. Then you also have the extended family that adds the grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins. On a slightly different spectrum, some people also build a "Friend Family" for themselves that puts unrelated people together in roles that closely resemble a biological family unit (i.e. "my brother from another mother" or "my sister from another mister"). In short, family is relative. (*rimshot*)
Whatever the family makeup, these are typically the first people to help influence and shape who a person becomes. Consciously or unconsciously, they teach and demonstrate models of behavior, personal attitudes, social and interpersonal skills, and language development. They influence our world view, our opinions, our morality, and how we see ourselves. They give us the first experiential tools that we need to learn about and explore the world around us. As humans, we learn from and adapt to these influences rapidly as part of our developmental process.
Now, let's be clear, I'm framing these ideas with a fairly positive slant. (Blame the holiday.) But the things our families teach us and the experiences we have with the people in them aren't always positive. In some cases, a person can become estranged from their family, shunned by them, or outright abandoned by them. Some people don't even get to grow up in a family (stable or otherwise), being forced to rely on themselves or complete strangers to survive (i.e. orphans who don't get adopted, kids who get bounced around the foster care system until they age out, kids who run away or get kicked out of their homes). These experiences can severely impact a person's developmental process as well.
As you develop your character(s), try to remember that they would not have been born and raised inside a developmental vacuum (Unless it's some sort of sci-fi test tube thing; in which case, you do you. Good luck.). Try and imagine, at least to some level, what kind of family background your character would have. Even if you have no intention of delving into the character's past in your work, knowing where your character came from can be a key element in making sure that they stay consistent and believable in your story. I'm not saying that a fully developed family history is required or that you should lock your character into certain behaviors or attitudes because of it, but it can certainly help you in firming up the motives that drive the character. At the very least, consider who the character grew up with and what influence they might have had.
Here is a list of character traits that can be impacted by family influence:
Trust vs. Mistrust
Social vs Isolationist Tendencies
Connection to or Avoidance of People
Economic Status (And the attitudes related to it)
Personal Values Regarding Love and Relationships
Religious Beliefs or Attitudes Regarding Religion
Abandonment Issues
Fear of Commitment
Tolerances and Prejudices
Adherence to Expectation vs Rebellious Tendencies
Self Worth
Hyper-Critical vs Supportive Tendencies (Self or Others)
Comfort Levels in Dealing with Children or Elderly
Usage, Abstinence From, or Abuse of Substances
Styles of or Lack of Humor
Function vs Dysfunction
...AND SO MUCH MORE...
To make this easier for me (though potentially traumatic for you), I invite you to look at your own family and how they impacted your personal character development. Be sure to consider both the positive and negative influences that you experienced. Also, don't shy away from the things in your personality or behavior that have made you say "Oh my god, I'm turning into my mother (or father)." Those are prime examples of how family influences our character. Likewise, don't ignore the aspects that you actively made an effort to change after what you grew up with. If you grew up in a family that promoted racist or bigoted attitudes but became a proponent for equality and tolerance, that speaks volumes about your own character development. If you grew up in a family with alcoholism or drug abuse and decided to stay sober because of that experience, that is kind of a big deal. If you grew up in the foster care system and still found the motivation to give yourself your best life, holy crap, that's pretty great! Just because your family history taught you one thing, that doesn't mean that you can't be your own person. It just means that you need to pay attention to those influences and choose how they impact who you want to be.
In addition to personal development, don't forget that family connections also impact who and what your character has in regards to resources in the world. Maybe your character still calls home to Mom and Dad once a week for advice or moral support. Maybe they have a brother or sister that they can rely on in a crisis. Maybe they have an uncle that lives close to where the story took them in their travels. Maybe they have a cousin who can get them a job or access to some restricted location.
Family can also serve as a vulnerable pressure point for a character. Maybe the situation threatens their family in a broader sense like a natural disaster or military threat. Maybe an antagonist is directly threatening a family member or family members. Maybe it's the family itself that is causing the problem, adding an extra layer of conflict to the issue.
So, as you continue to plot and develop your character, try to remember: Family Matters.
