Practicing Priorities
Allow me to start this Blog entry by acknowledging that this is probably one of the most hypocritical advice topics I will probably ever write about. With that being said, while I am absolutely terrible at this skill, I'm probably one of the best cautionary tales I know of to illustrate why "Practicing Priorities" is important. Let's get to it, shall we?
You wake up and look at your day. You recognize that you have a number of things you need to accomplish. Among those things are the basic life requirements that include some level of hygiene maintenance (I would hope), eating and drinking AT LEAST once, and taking care of any toiletry needs that may arise. At some point you will also need to go back to sleep in order to recharge your physical and mental resources. Failure to do so voids any warranty you may have had and may lead to physical illness, mental disturbances, psychosis, and eventually death (It's SCIENCE!). You are (presumably) human, and these things are not negotiable if you want to survive. Make them happen.
In addition to your own basic survival needs, you may also have children, pets, or other dependents who require your assistance in meeting their own survival needs. You should probably fit that into your schedule too. Bad things happen if you don't. I'm not saying that from personal experience. I'm just aware that bad things happen if you don't (with even higher frequency in Florida, but that's not the point).
So, you've figured out how to keep yourself (and others) alive. That's a great start to the day! But how do you decide what to do next? You only have so many waking hours to work with in a day and you've already burned off a portion of that time in not dying. What do you DO?
This is where Priorities come in.
One assumes that the person holding your paycheck hostage has already set one of your priorities for you. For better or worse, money is kind of necessary for fulfilling those needs we already mentioned above (food, shelter, a place to do your "business" where you won't be attacked by bees or some terrifying forest monster/serial killer). With that assumption, it's likely that 4-8+ hours of your day has already been dictated by someone else as to how they are going to be spent. This may not be your top priority, but it's probably on your list.
To clarify, a priority, as I'm using it here, is something that is important to an individual. It is a person, thing, or idea that has value to that individual. These are things in a person's life, usually ranked in importance, that they make efforts to focus on or maintain. Common items that people list as priorities are family, friends, relationships, careers, hobbies, home maintenance, health, diet, exercise, leisure time, exploration, learning, and so on. The concept of ranking a priority is realistically a very personal and individual decision. What may be a high priority for one person may be a very low priority for someone else. Many arguments or misunderstandings have resulted from people interacting with others whose priorities do not match up. Judgements get made, things get said, feelings get hurt, all because people have different priorities. Even with these differing opinions, though, priorities are still important.
So, you've done the job thing, the food thing, the bathroom thing, the keeping the kids and pets alive thing, and you've managed to find yourself with a few hours left to fill with your own priorities rather than your immediate needs. This is where defining and honoring those priorities becomes important. If you don't, other people will be more than happy to fill that limited free time you have. As we've just stated, people have their own priorities and will put them before someone else's priorities if given the chance.
What are your priorities? What is important to you right now? Do you keep putting your priorities aside for others? Does fulfilling your needs prevent you from focusing on your priorities (i.e. chasing a paycheck rather than a career or personal goal)?
Has something happened that has made you reorganize your priorities? An accident? A death of a friend or loved one? Chaotic flooding in the Midwest? A birth or marriage?
It's perfectly normal to change your priorities over time. It's part of life and personal growth. What is important, though, is that you take the time to acknowledge how or what has changed in your priorities. It can be incredibly frustrating to spend an intense amount of time and energy on something that used to be a priority, only to realize that it's not as important as it once was. Likewise, it can be frustrating to have people devalue your priorities because they don't understand or support when something has changed. (According to my therapist, this is why establishing boundaries and expressing your wants and needs is important. I may or may not be successful in applying this skill.)
A key element to this discussion that I want to emphasize here is: TIME SPENT FOCUSING ON YOUR PRIORITIES IS NOT TIME WASTED.
Again, because this is something I fight with myself constantly over and I'm sure you probably do too: Time Spent Focusing On Your Priorities is Not Time Wasted.
If your priorities in order are family, health, career, you are doing things right for yourself if you blow off writing for the day to spend an evening with your widowed mother and then go for a long walk after you get home. (Yes that was oddly specific, but it's also true.)
If, however, your priorities in order are career, health, family, you have every right to say, "No, I'm sorry. I really need to catch up on this project. Can we do something this weekend instead?" There are countless Hallmark and Lifetime movies that will tell you that you're a heartless asshole for putting a career first (every Christmas movie ever made), but the point is, unless you establish those boundaries, people will place their priorities over yours without even thinking about it. Even worse, they will take pleasure in making you feel bad about it because (see above) their priorities probably aren't the same as yours. You can state your needs and maintain your boundaries in a perfectly acceptable way. It just takes practice and the willingness to do so. It may also take patience because people don't always understand what doesn't line up with their own priority list.
(Also, just pay attention to your work/life balance because burnout is Real and so is regret. Whoa. SORRY! Totally my baggage. You do you. Good luck.)
So, the too long, didn't read summary (TL;DR) is: Figure out what your priorities are. Honor them. Establish your boundaries and expectations. Stick to them. It may not lead you to your highest production rate or projects being done on time, but it will at least keep you focused on what is important to you.
The laundry will be there tomorrow. The dust will just collect. Today is what you make of it, and rarely what you expect.
All right, folks. My priorty has shifted to a burger and some sort of ice cream treat for my cheat day. Have a great week! Stay safe out there!
