Freaks, Geeks, and Weirdos
I've been thinking about something one of my fraternity brothers once said to me when I was in college. We were on a road trip heading back to campus after a break of some sort. I was in the back seat. I said something that spawned a peculiar reaction of pensive silence from the driver. I don't recall what it was I had said, but I remember meeting his eyes in the rearview mirror and feeling compelled to ask, "Do I scare you, *his name*?"
Without missing a beat and with no hint of sarcasm he replied, "I wouldn't say you scare me, but sometimes you're just super f***ing weird, man."
Now to be clear, this guy was a few years younger than me. He had an equally bent sense of humor. He loved fantasy fiction, computer games, and every other form of geekery. Obviously, we had plenty in common. For further context, our "brother" in the front passenger seat shared all of the above qualities on top of being a well-behaved pyromaniac and occasional computer-hacking "black hat." The second guy was also my roommate my senior year, which should imply something about the fact that he didn't have anything to add or say in my defense.
I remember feeling rather hurt and unsettled by the driver's statement. I remember not saying much the rest of the way home. I wish I could remember what it was that I had said to know if he had given me a valid response or not. All I remember is sitting in that backseat and thinking, "If these guys have written me off as weird, I really must be screwed."
All throughout my life I've felt like an outsider looking in. Even when I'm with friends or family I spend more time observing than actually engaging. I listen, I absorb, I make mental notes for future reference, occasionally I'll make a comment that I hope will be insightful or funny, but mostly I'm just there to observe other people's stories. It's when I go outside that roll of quiet observer that people start to look at me funny, get angry or uncomfortable with me, or otherwise question my mental stability.
And yet, it is that very tendency that helps me in my writing. (Go figure. Who would guess that being socially awkward can actually be a skill set?)
When I write a scene, I see it playing out in my mind. I "hear" the conversations between the characters. I watch them act and react. The reason I tie so much descriptive action to my dialogue is because I actually "witness" what is being said and how the characters are responding. I feel like half of the context of what is being said is delivered in those nonverbal cues, much like in a real discussion. (If you've ever gotten into an argument because of a text message, you know exactly how important those nonverbal points can be.) Now, admittedly, a good portion of my writing is spent making sure that plot points and story clues get slipped into the right discussions at the right time and such, but once those details are assigned, it really does go back to me just reporting what I see in my own personal mental movie.
Unfortunately, real life doesn't work like that. I'm 90% sure that whatever I said to earn the "You're f***ing weird, man" response came about as a script I concocted in my head that went terribly off the rails. To put it mildly, "Well, that wasn't what I expected," is kind of an ongoing theme for me. But, at least when I'm writing, that randomness has a tendency to play out in really exciting ways. I may plan a scene or a series of events, but I won't know what will actually come out of it until the words finally hit the page. When you let your characters speak and react honestly to their nature, anything is possible; just like with real people. Believe, me, I'm usually just as surprised by certain twists as my readers, and that's half the fun!
I think it's fair to say that being a writer is a bit like having situational schizophrenia. We see things that aren't there. We hear things that nobody else hears. We have thoughts and emotions that "aren't our own." The only difference between us and somebody in serious need of treatment is that we actually have a context and outlet to apply what we experience to.
I think that's one of the reasons that I've meshed so well with the other authors that I've met. We all share a similar "affliction." We all attempt to handle it in a similar way. To some degree or another, we all hope that our readers appreciate our brand of crazy. We all struggle to sell our particular crazy and promote it without coming off as certifiably crazy ourselves. There's a comfort in finding those kindred spirits who "get it;" those people who face similar challenges and are willing to talk about them. We all unwittingly prescribed ourselves group therapy and it's probably one of the most important connections that we could make.
I guess the point of this Blog is to say, I don't feel bad about being "F***ing Weird" anymore. I don't feel a need to apologize for being socially awkward. I understand that everything that I experienced up to this point was preparing me for what I would become. It's all part of being an Author.
***
"Wolfkin: A Fairy's Tail" is officially in the premarket phases of release. I haven't seen a definite release date, but it is on its way to Audible, iTunes, and Amazon SOON.
I just received notice from a reader up in Canada that purchased a copy of "Wolfkin" and received a grossly damaged copy from Amazon. Even worse, she got the runaround about getting a replacement copy and probably won't get the new copy in time to give as a Christmas present like she'd hoped and planned on. If you've received a messed up copy of one of my books from the direct printing service, please understand, I don't have any control over any part of that process, but I would like to know about it. If these quality control issues continue, I will start looking for a new publishing venue and I will warn my other author friends about the problem as well. Being an Independent Author is challenging enough without our production company making us look even less credible.
With that being said, it has come to my attention that print orders of my books through Amazon may not arrive in time for Christmas at this point. (It is literally print to order, so be sure to check projected arrivals closely.) At the risk of getting swamped with last minute requests, I DO have print copies in stock for all three books. I do NOT have a cheap way to ship them out, so don't be surprised if you make a request and see a quote starting in the $20+ dollar range. Also, I ship USPS, so I can't make guarantees of delivery by December 22 if you're hoping for a Christmas delivery. IF you're still interested and willing to take the gamble, you can message me through FB or email me at chroniclesofchalisaria@gmail.com.
*All copies shipped and sold by me are signed inside the front cover unless otherwise requested.
