Waiting Game
It seems like most of our time is spent waiting for something - lines at the grocery store, stop lights to turn green, results for medical tests, the end of the work week, the other shoe to drop. Today, my own example included waiting for my eyes to stop being dilated enough following an eye exam that I could actually see clearly. (I've never appreciated my vision so much as after it went to hell on me for five hours.) Everybody has something that they're waiting on. (Some of you are even waiting for my next book, bless your dedicated and loyal souls.)
The waiting game is a key test in defining a person's personality. Some people are impatient by default. Others have an almost saintly level of patience. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle, with variables influenced by the circumstances and what it is we're waiting on. You can tell a lot about somebody by watching how they respond to waiting.
As for me, I definitely fall under the "variable" category. Waiting in lines rarely bothers me unless there's something else in the environment aggravating the situation. Slow traffic only really causes me issues when safety hazards become a concern. The delays my online game of choice keeps initiating in releasing the content I've been waiting for since September has admittedly stretched my patience a bit thin (Seriously, WTF, Blizzard? The models are already in the game. Make it happen already!). But it has become clear to me in the last few weeks that waiting on some things can be downright debilitating to a creative person like me. Everything around you grinds to a halt while you wait to hear an official response, no matter how much you tell yourself to "keep calm and carry on."
*Now before anybody panics, let me clarify that I'm perfectly fine. Aside from health concerns already being addressed through diet and exercise, I'm plenty healthy and staying that way (to the best of my knowledge). Breathe, focus, carry on. Thank you for your concern.
Way back in the summer, I announced that I may have to start looking for a "real" job. I'll admit, I didn't hit that effort especially hard, but I did start looking for options. Back in November I caught wind of an opportunity I'd been waiting to hear about for years since the last time I applied there. The where and what of the matter aren't things I'm comfortable discussing here, but it's a respectable local company with a solid track record, decent pay and benefits, and it's the kind of job and environment I know I can stick with for the long term.
Short form: I WANT/NEED this friggin' job something fierce.
Thanks to my inside source, I actually jumped the gun a bit on submitting my application (it hadn't even been announced officially yet). I got an interview the week before Christmas and got confirmation recently that I'm still in the running for the position. (I had a great time with the interview, and I found myself even more excited about the company.) I also learned that a second position has opened up since then. (The first person retired and the second person transferred internally to explore a new opportunity in a different department. No red flags here!) All through December and into this month I was able to take things pretty much in stride. "All things in their time and place." "Que Sera Sera." And again, "Keep Calm and Carry On."
Over the last two weeks, though, my old friend Anxiety has taken this pending decision and chewed my nerves to slivers. It took me three trips to the chiropractor and a week of avoidant behavior in working on my current book to realize how much this waiting game has started to take its toll. Nothing fritzes out my creative drive like pain and/or subconscious stress caused by things outside of my control. Then there's the frustration in losing my creative drive, which causes more stress, and, well, you see where this is going. It's a vicious cycle, truly.
So, here I continue to wait, hoping for the best and trying like hell to convince myself to just get back to what I was doing before. I am fully aware that it is officially out of my hands and that I should trust everything to work out exactly as it should. But I also know that things beyond my control are pretty much my own personal brand of Kryptonite. They are exactly the kind of stressors that tend to wreak havoc on my mental health the most. (Anything else I just identify the source and deal with it, ending the problem right then and there. It may not always be pretty, but it is always pretty effective.)
My goal now is to identify and rein in the things that I do have control over. I can fix my sleep schedule. I can keep up with my diet and exercise. I can start making personal adjustments that will benefit my writing and, if all goes well, my transition into a set work schedule. I can make positive changes to improve myself and my productivity, but it all has to start with me. Ideally, this will allow me to get back to my preferred waiting style that I've decided to call "patiently proactive."
TL;DR: I haven't made much progress on Book 3 in the last few weeks. Things have been kind of nuts. Wish me luck as I attempt to move forward. Thanks.
