The Battles We Fight
You find an opening in the wall. At first glance it doesn't appear to be any different than the last thirty openings you've passed through. Your passage through the twists and turns of this maze has been long and taxing. There have been traps aplenty to bypass. There have been countless beasts and monsters that you still aren't sure whether or not they were part of the original defenses or creatures that got lost in the maze just the same as you. Either way, you dealt with them the best you could and kept moving. You realize quickly that this particular entrance is different, though. You've discovered the central chamber. It's a fairly large circular room with a flight of stairs on the other side. You can see daylight filtering down from the top of the steps. You're almost free! But there's a heavy looking gate barring the exit and it looks like the key is hanging from the neck of that giant minotaur statue in the center of the room. At least you think it's a statue. It doesn't seem to be moving... did it just breath?
***
Allow me to start by saying I've had a pretty good week. My mood has been vastly improved. I've managed to write a few more chapters in the current book. I had a lovely dinner and impromptu shopping adventure with my mother (I can replace my holey sheets!). I spent an evening on the phone with a really good friend. The temperatures finally climbed above freezing. The simple fact of seeing this change being a steady trend has been enough to lift my spirits exponentially.
Last week I wrote a post that I acknowledge was depressing and moody. I recognized this clearly enough when I finished it that I didn't even bother to share it on my social media outlets. I figured nobody would want to read about how down I've been. I don't know that I really even tied it back to writing other than to say why I felt incapable of making progress on my project (which I didn't last week). I did publish the post on this Blog page, though, because I felt like it was important to do so. Today I'm going to talk about why.
I write this Blog for several reasons. Primarily it is a means to promote my work and give updates on upcoming events and projects that I have in the pipeline. At least twice it has been an avenue to release (or prerelease) exclusive content to people who have continued to support and follow my work. Most importantly I use this forum to offer suggestions and tips to beginning writers (or existing writers who may be in a rut). But another purpose this Blog serves is to document my personal journey as an author and to show the (sometimes painful) human side of what it means to be a writer.
My name is C. Robert Jones and I fight an ongoing battle with anxiety and depression.
Anybody who has followed this Blog will read the above statement and go, "Well, duh." Anybody who knows me personally will have a similar response. I make that declaration not as some grand revelation of shocking truth, but as a simple statement of "This is who I am." I'm kind, I'm funny, I'm generous, I'm loyal, and occasionally I get my ass kicked by mental health issues.
What makes this self-identification important is not that it gives me an excuse for my delays in productivity (it doesn't). It isn't that it makes me special or unique (because, holy shit, let me tell you, as an author and general creative person it really, really doesn't). It also doesn't excuse the surly attitude or the snappish interactions I have with the people who get caught in the crossfire of my mental battlegrounds. (Sorry about last week, Mom!)
What this identification does do is acknowledge that I'm human and I have many of the same issues that my readers and fellow creators do. Yes, I'm doing what many people dream of doing right now, but that doesn't guarantee happiness, stability, or that there won't be bad days (or weeks) in the meantime. I have my challenges. I have my eccentricities. I'm far from perfect and, honestly, kind of a mess sometimes. The point is, that's ok. As my friend Mikki would say, "I have a belly button. It's ok to be human."
The reason I don't censor or delete my "Eeyore" mopey posts out of this Blog is that I want people to see this human side of me. I want people to understand that they can have a serious personal challenge and still chase their dreams. I want people to see that they can channel their creativity and accomplish things in spite of, or hell, maybe even because of the things that they feel or experience. I want people to see me as an author who knocked himself off of his own pedestal early on so that he could stand with his readers and say, "No, I'm just like you, and you can do this too." I don't want to be the wizard that hides behind the curtain of "normalcy" and pretend that the only show is the one that I put on display for my audience. It's disingenuous and I won't do it, not when I can help more people by being honest.
Life isn't always easy, or pretty, or even nice. Being a writer isn't all word documents and happily typing away with the "Murder, She Wrote" theme playing in the background. Challenges will surface. Battles will have to be fought. But if you face those challenges, if you choose to fight, you too can escape your personal labyrinth and find that freedom. Even if it's only a brief escape, you will at least have the knowledge that you can, in fact, win that fight again. You have that power.
Some people fight minotaurs.
Some people fight demons (figurative or literal).
Some people fight evil empires.
Some people fight injustice.
Some people fight oppression.
Some people fight bigotry.
Some people fight poverty.
Some people fight hunger.
Some people fight disease.
Some people fight ignorance.
Some people fight abuse.
Some people fight mental illness.
Some people fight every single day just to make it to the next for the simple hope that maybe... just maybe... tomorrow might be a little bit better.
Whatever you're fighting, whatever struggles you face, know that you aren't alone.
Everyone has a battle that they are in.
Everyone has a challenge to overcome.
Keep fighting, friends.
You never know who else may be in that battlefield with you.
You can find that better day. We all can.
With deepest love and respect,
C. Robert Jones
